Sunday, October 30, 2011

Right Now

It is officially Fall. Every leaf is turning its amber red, maturing and dying before I get a chance to admire. Trees are rapidly losing their volume, turning the campus into a scene out of a Tim Burton film.

With the change in the atmosphere on campus, I am feeling a change in myself. Not just because it dropped 40 degrees in the last 24 hours but more because I have a new outlook on life. I recently ended a relationship, my semester GPA hit an all time low and my grandfather died. This is starting to sound a little morbid, right? WRONG.

To be completely honest, if I were to look at my future self a year ago, I would have been scared out of my mind. I have always been an A and B student (mostly A's, mind you) and my relationship was great but guess what happened? Life.

Life usually happens at the worst times. But honestly, what did it think I would do in response to throwing all of these curve balls? Just wrap myself in a blanket and suck on my thumb until it all went away? Absolutely not. My great grandfather was held at gunpoint by an Oklahoma senator and lived to tell the tale. I have an image to uphold.

All jokes aside, life has been a little rough this semester. I have learned more about myself in the last four weeks than I have in the last four years. I have learned that I am independent and I have to make my happiness a priority before I try to make anyone else happy. I will never be sure why things happen the way they do but reality does not exist without life's mishaps and unfortunate events. It is what makes us real and human in the first place.

If I do not feel pain, sorrow, nostalgia at some points in my life, then I would never consider myself living.

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